20 Honest Jokes About Growing Older That Are Too Accurate

Welcome back to Comics Hut. Growing older is often described in soft language — golden years, silver foxes, the autumn of life. Anyone actually doing it will tell you the reality involves rather more creaking and considerably more paperwork.

The Truth Nobody Warns You About

The strange thing about ageing is how ordinary it feels from the inside. You do not wake up one morning feeling old. You simply notice that stairs have opinions now, and that everyone in authority looks about fourteen.

These twenty jokes are for anyone who has reached the stage where standing up makes a noise. They are honest, occasionally rueful, and entirely affectionate.

#1.

I do not rise from a chair any more. I negotiate with it, and terms are agreed slowly.

#2.

My back goes out more often than I do, and it never asks whether I had plans.

#3.

I bent down to tie my shoelace and had a long think about what else to do while I was down there.

#4.

Getting older means your body starts sending invoices for things you did in 1985.

#5.

I have reached the age where a good night out means everyone is home by nine.

#6.

My hearing is selective, and I would like to make clear that the selection is entirely deliberate.

#7.

I no longer chase anything. If it is meant for me, it will come back around eventually.

#8.

People say age is just a number. It is a number my knees consult before agreeing to anything.

What makes these funny rather than sad is the acceptance behind them. There is a particular freedom in reaching an age where you no longer perform, no longer rush, and no longer apologise for either.

#9.

I walked into a room and forgot why. I stood there anyway, out of principle.

#10.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late. Nobody warned me about that particular arithmetic.

#11.

I have started reading the small print. This is either wisdom or simply having the time.

#12.

My eyesight is fine. It is the print that has become unreasonably small in recent years.

#13.

I now own reading glasses in every room and can locate none of them at any given moment.

#14.

Youth is being able to sleep on a floor. Age is thinking about a floor and feeling tired.

#15.

I have opinions about mattresses now. This happened without my consent.

#16.

A big night in involves a hot water bottle and being deeply satisfied about it.

#17.

I still feel twenty-five, right up until I catch sight of a mirror unexpectedly.

#18.

The doctor asked about my lifestyle. I described it. He looked relieved on my behalf.

#19.

I have stopped rushing. Nothing important was ever actually improved by hurrying.

#20.

The best part of growing older is that you stop caring what people think — and it arrives sooner than you expect.

Growing older is not something to hide from. It is something that a great many people never get the chance to do. If these made you laugh in recognition, you are in excellent company. Read more at Comics Hut.