20 Jokes About Grandmothers Who Refuse To Slow Down

Welcome back to Comics Hut. Somebody once told her to take it easy. She has been ignoring that advice with great commitment ever since, and shows no sign of reconsidering.

Retirement Is Not A Rest

There is a particular kind of grandmother who is busier now than she was at forty. Committees, gardens, grandchildren, three clubs and a phone that never stops. Ask her to sit down and she will, briefly, while organising something.

These twenty jokes are for the grandmothers who treat slowing down as somebody else’s idea entirely.

#1.

They told me to put my feet up. I did, for eight minutes, and then remembered the washing.

#2.

I am retired, which means I now work seven days a week for no money at all.

#3.

My diary is fuller than my daughter’s and mine involves considerably more cake.

#4.

I do not need a lie-in. There is a whole morning out there going to waste.

#5.

The garden does not tend itself, and I have not yet found anyone who agrees to do it properly.

#6.

I joined a club. Then I ran the club. That was not the plan but here we are.

#7.

My grandson asked what I do all day. I asked him to sit down; it takes a while.

#8.

They suggested I take a holiday. I have committees. Things would collapse.

There is real wisdom hiding in that last one. Staying busy keeps a person connected, needed and part of things — which is often what makes the difference between growing older well and simply growing older.

#9.

I still do my own decorating. The young man who offered looked far too casual about it.

#10.

I walk to the shops. It is two miles. It is also free and I like the air.

#11.

Somebody offered me a stairlift. I have stairs precisely so I can climb them.

#12.

I do not nap. I close my eyes strategically between activities.

#13.

My phone rings all day. I am, apparently, the family switchboard.

#14.

They asked me to slow down. I have slowed down. This is slowed down.

#15.

I bake for the neighbours. Not because they asked, but because somebody ought to.

#16.

I have three appointments and a funeral this week. It is a busy social calendar.

#17.

My daughter says I do too much. My daughter has never once seen me bored.

#18.

I took up swimming at seventy-four. The instructor was surprised. I was not.

#19.

Sitting still is when everything aches. Moving is when I forget about it.

#20.

I shall rest properly when there is nothing left that needs doing, which will be never.

If you have a grandmother who refuses to slow down, do not talk her out of it. Ask if you can come along instead. More at Comics Hut.