20 Jokes About Grandmothers At Family Gatherings

Welcome back to Comics Hut. Put an entire family in one room and a grandmother becomes the quiet centre of it. She organises nothing officially and controls everything completely.

The Woman Who Runs The Room

She will insist she has done very little. There will be eleven dishes. She will claim she is not tired. She has been standing since six. This is simply how it is done, and no amount of offering to help will change it.

These twenty jokes are for anyone who has sat at that table, been given too much food, and been asked a question they were not prepared for.

#1.

She said not to bring anything. Arriving empty-handed is nevertheless a mistake you make only once.

#2.

The good tablecloth came out. Somebody is being assessed today.

#3.

She asks when you are getting married. There is no correct answer and she knows it.

#4.

Every relative is introduced with a full biography, including their medical history.

#5.

She has counted the chairs three times and is still not satisfied.

#6.

The dessert appears when everyone has said they could not possibly. Everyone possibly could.

#7.

She remembers exactly who did not ring at Christmas. She will not mention it directly.

#8.

Somebody suggests ordering in. The suggestion is not acknowledged.

That last one is the part the jokes usually leave out. The gathering she spent a fortnight preparing for is over in an afternoon, and the quiet afterwards is the price she pays willingly, every time.

#9.

She sits down last, eats least, and insists she has had plenty.

#10.

A relative is described as difficult. Everyone understands immediately who is meant.

#11.

She asks about your job in a way that suggests she does not believe it is a real one.

#12.

The photographs come out. There is one of you in 1994 that should have been destroyed.

#13.

She tells the same story. Everyone lets her. It is a better story each time.

#14.

Leftovers are distributed like inheritance, and the portions are politically significant.

#15.

She notices who helped clear up. She notices everything, silently, forever.

#16.

Somebody mentions politics. She changes the subject with the skill of a diplomat.

#17.

She says she does not want anything for her birthday. This is a test.

#18.

The tea is offered every forty minutes regardless of consumption.

#19.

She waves everyone off from the doorstep until the car is entirely out of sight.

#20.

The house is silent afterwards. She says she does not mind. She minds.

Next time you leave one of those gatherings, ring her from the car. It costs two minutes and it means considerably more than you would expect. More at Comics Hut.