Darl Messy
Welcome back to Comics Hut. There comes a point when the doctor stops being someone you visit rarely and becomes a regular fixture in the diary. A grandmother takes this in her stride, mostly by treating the whole business as mildly ridiculous.
The Appointment That Becomes A Social Occasion
She knows the receptionist by name. She knows which chairs in the waiting room are comfortable. She has views on the new practice manager. The medical part is almost secondary to the reporting she will do afterwards.
These twenty jokes are for anyone who has driven a grandmother to an appointment and heard the full analysis on the way home.
#1.
The doctor looks about fifteen. I have jumpers older than that young man.
#2.
He asked me to describe the pain. I have had this body seventy-eight years. Where would you like me to begin?
#3.
They ask if I drink. Occasionally. They ask how much. Occasionally more.
#4.
The form asked for my emergency contact. I put my daughter. She does not know this.
#5.
I told him I felt fine. He looked disappointed. I think he had a form to fill.
#6.
The waiting room magazines are from 2019. I have read them all twice.
#7.
They gave me a leaflet. I have a drawer entirely full of leaflets now.
#8.
He said to take it easy. I have four grandchildren visiting Saturday. I shall try.
Beneath the jokes is real courage. Getting older means more appointments, more waiting, and more news that is not what you hoped. Facing all of that with humour is not avoidance — it is a strategy that works.
#9.
They ask if I exercise. I climb those stairs eleven times a day. That is a mountain.
#10.
The blood pressure was high. It was fine before I found a parking space.
#11.
He asked if I had any allergies. Only to being told what to do.
#12.
They keep changing my tablets. I have a chart now. The chart has its own chart.
#13.
I was called five minutes early and nearly fainted from the shock.
#14.
He asked if I lived alone. I live independently. There is a difference and I made it clear.
#15.
The nurse said I have the bones of a much younger woman. I have decided to believe her.
#16.
They ask the same questions every visit. I give the same answers. Nobody writes them down.
#17.
I said I would think about the operation. That was 2019. I am still thinking.
#18.
He told me to reduce salt. Food was already beige. Now it is beige and silent.
#19.
They gave me a follow-up in six months. At my age I appreciate the optimism.
#20.
The best part of the appointment is the chat in the queue at the chemist afterwards.
If you drive a grandmother to appointments, you are doing something that matters more than you know. Stay for the chat afterwards; that part is often the actual medicine. More at Comics Hut.
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